My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
