I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
