M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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