I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
