Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
