It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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