"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
