There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
