Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
