So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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