im six kinds of drunk right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
