God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
