I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
