Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
