Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
