I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
