She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
