Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
