Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
