She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
