when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
