My room smells like vodka and shame
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Randomize
