My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
