just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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