cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
