Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
