Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
even my farts smell like vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
