pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
