I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
