got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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