I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
