Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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