My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
