all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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