All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did I show you my penis last night?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
