Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
