i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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