Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
