You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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