Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
