I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize