I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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