You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
being pregnant is like rehab
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize