shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
