OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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