the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
