$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
