I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
