We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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