White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
