you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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