He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
