I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My vagina just clenched in fear
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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