summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
