She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
jump out the window naked night went bad
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
