I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
