just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
