true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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