I don't remember. Are we still dating?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
