just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
