you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
