i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
