Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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