hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm passing your future prison.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
