Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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