dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize