Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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