Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
