i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
