i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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