dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
