The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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