You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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